Sign Jokes

>Teacher: Ok, tell me why you are late today.
Student: I woke up at 6am, and got to school at 7am.
Teacher: But it is 8 o'clock now? How come?
Student: I saw a sign at the school gate. It said :SCHOOL Reduce speed. Therefore,I had to slow down. That's why I'm late today.
Teacher: .................

>One day, a hunter went into the woods. There's a tree with a sign saying: RABBIT SEASON OPEN. It was posted by THE duck who hates his rival enemy, THE rabbit.
Soon, the hunter saw THE rabbit, pointed his rifle at him, and said:"Say your prayers, rabbit!" THE rabbit tied his tip-of-gun and said:"I think you got it all wrong, rabbit season's already closed.Look!"The hunter turned to see the sign, which said:RABBIT SEASON CLOSED.He said:"I'm sorry.I guess I'll just leave here.
THE duck, who is hidden behind a tree, was shocked. Still hidden, he looked at the sign. There's the real sign behind it. He called the hunter:"Hey,pinhead,this's just a fake one.The real one's under it."He then ripped the fake sign off.BLAM BLAM BLAM!!!!!!!!THE duck was being shot.Why? The sign said:DUCK SEASON OPEN.

>A farmer was harvesting his vegetables when a flying saucer landed near his farm. An alien walked out of it, and they use sign language to communicate.
The alien pointed up, then the farmer pointed down.
The alien stretch out its palm, and the farmer pointed a seven-like sign.
The alien pointed something like a gun, then the farmer pointed a squeezing-like sign. Then the alien suddenly hurriedly went into the flying saucer and flew away.
Back home, the farmer said to his wife:
"I met a strange person. He said that vegetables drop from the sky. I corrected as vegetables grow from the ground. He asked how much is 5 kg of vegetables, and I said 7 dollars. He asked how much is 7 kg? I said pay more money. Then he suddenly just went away."
Back to its planet, the alien said to its friend:
"I met a strange but scary person on Earth. I said I come from the sky. And he said he come from under the ground. I said I've killed 5 person, he said he killed 7. I said I killed them with my disentigrater gun, he said he killed them by squeezing them till death. I was afraid that I might become the 8th victim, so I ran away."